Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
