My room smells like vodka and shame
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
