I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
