Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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