I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize