I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
