just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
