i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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