just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
