dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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