Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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