hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
