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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
