I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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