I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize