I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
