My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
