Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
