He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
