I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
