I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
