where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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