I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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