I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
