I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
