Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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