Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
