there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize