hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
