Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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