I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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