so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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