Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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