So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
