I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
