I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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