My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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