Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
