I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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