then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
