we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
