R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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