At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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