i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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