if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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