she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
