i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
