it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
