So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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