We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
