thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
