i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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