He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
