did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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