pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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