you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
