Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
