i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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