So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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