We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
