so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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