after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
