My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
