Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
