I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
