What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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