Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and she was petting her beer can
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
