Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize