Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
