trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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