is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
