he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
