my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
