Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
