I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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