I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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