Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
