i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
