somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
