I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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