youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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