my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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