There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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