just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
