New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
