I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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