i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
