so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
