i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
