dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
