MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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