we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
