a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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