So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
whose parrot is this?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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