I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
