I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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